this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
