He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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