keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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