She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it because I queefed?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
