I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
