This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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