Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
