the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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