party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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