Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
