I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh god it's open bar.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
