Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it's like heaven, but drunker
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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