the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
