is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
