now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're too hungover to prance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there is glitter all over my balls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
