scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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