Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
