Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
