Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
