You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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