the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
