i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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