Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Watching her eat just hurts me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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