i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
