I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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