that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
