My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
