Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
