the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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