They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
