Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
