I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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