I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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