I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sobbing to NWA
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
