He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
