Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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