i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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