I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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