i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize