it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
