Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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