No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
