He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
