I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
