when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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