Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
