I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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