I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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