I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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