I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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