No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
