We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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