I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i will never coherently bang her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
