he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
