Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
