got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
