How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
