Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
