she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
