I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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