First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
