Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
