I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
