let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
