K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
