I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
