I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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