If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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