Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drunk is a universal language darling
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
