At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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