Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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