You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
