Betty ford says i'm here all night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
