I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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