Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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