Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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