So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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