shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
