Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
