here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
