party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
