end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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